I have always had a thing for older men.

People tend to see a younger woman-older man couple and think, “she’s with him for his money,” or “daddy issues,” but I beg to differ. I do acknowledge that this is sometimes the case, but more often than we may realise, it is not. Of course if said man is married then that is nothing more than a union of prostitutes, but there are legitimately single older men- whether divorced, widowed or just never been married.

I was saying to someone today that I honestly would not mind a 15-year (or so) age difference and their eyeballs almost popped out. But really. And my reason is actually very simple: having been on both sides of the divide I can say, without fear of contradiction, that older men are way more mature than their fine-boy-no-pimples counterparts.

Let us begin with the toasting process:

If an older man is interested in you, you are unlikely to ever be in doubt of his intentions. Not only would he make it very clear that he wanted you, he would also let you know exactly what for. So if he’s just looking for a good time,he doesn’t mince words or give mixed signals; ditto for if he’s looking for commitment. I love the way they are so direct and don’t have the time for ‘wasan yara.’

Of course it does stand to reason because there’s a certain quiet confidence that comes with age and one loses a lot of the hang-ups they acquired in adolescence.


Then there’s the fact that discussions between the both of you rarely morph into heated arguments. No raising of voices and attempting to ‘win by intimidation.’ These men know that you do not raise your voice, you improve your argument. Simpo!

I find it uncomfortable being with people who cannot argue quietly. Maybe it’s all the shouting they shouted at us while we were growing up, but I have developed a certain abhorrence for loud voices.

Then they have stories! When someone has been around for a while, there’s usually almost nothing that hasn’t happened to them, so them dey always get gist. You get to hear things that leave you in awe and wonder. And the people they’ve met, known, lunched with…… people you’ve probably only read about or seen on tv. I can’t lie, those things unconsciously elevate him a little higher in your eyes.

And last but by no means the least, men in their 40s and 50s still belong to the generation that believed in spoiling their women. So if you happen to be with them, they pull out all the stops: both the little and grand gestures. Things like coming to take you out for lunch everyday during your lunch-break, even if they have to drive from across town, are not uncommon. Surprise tickets to somewhere or the other just because you had a rough week. Sending cake to your office for no reason at all. Driving from Ikeja to Surulere to pick you up from work every evening because ‘house-job is sucking your blood, ‘ the list does not end.

Those ones understand romance. Not this instagram generation(ndi “have you eaten?”)that awon feminists have now even helped to justify their ‘romantic laziness’ in the name of gender equality. Until you push a baby out of your delicates, sweerat ain’t nothing equal about us mbok. To each his own lane. But that is a post for another day.

Of course there are men who were alive before Obasanjo became Head of State and are still stuck in the oral phase. Those ones are easy to spot sha once they open mouth; and they are the ones you are likely to find joining children that ASUU kept at home, to abuse other people on instagram.

There are of course, cons to this older man business, chief of which is that by the time one is getting to the height of their active stage as per ‘oza room’ tins, uncle would have already plateaued and maybe even begun his descent down the slope. So there may be some frustration in the years to come.

But again, that is gist for another jobless day.


  1. Hmmmm….. Some very valid points here. But mehn, I believe there re still a few young men with these qualities. Still not sure if d advantages outweigh the disadvantages… hehe. Nicely written tho


  2. LOL…good read. It was nice reading the Naija flavor in it. I have never really been a “date your age grade” kind of person, so I totally relate here. The older, the better…but only recently, I started understanding how bored and easily irritated I could get dating someone in their 40s. When I was in my 20s, it was the highlight of my game to date guys in their 30s. However, now that I’m in my 30s, it feels like a different ball game. I like that older men (say 40s) go straight to the point, no beating around the bush when they want something…but they get too serious too quickly…and then I’m bored or irritated. So for me now, it is ‘be older but don’t be in your 40s’…lol. #EatingMyCakeAndHavingIt…Again


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