GOD MADE DIRT; DIRT WON’T HURT.

Apparently, as a Nigerian geh, bathing twice a day is non-negotiable. It had never occurred to me as such, as nightly rituals mostly consisted of feet-and-face-washing (as I have near-dormant sweat glands, I’m certain I smell exactly the same at the end of the day as I did at the beginning; whether or not you agree is for ya pocket). Proper baths only occurred twice a day in special circumstances.

Recently, however, with the looming threat of an end to singlehood, I began to have a rethink. Parraps these unwritten rules existed for a reason……

Then I spent one or two nights in the house of a friend who has been in the matrimony business for nearly 3 decades and she echoed my sentiments. It came in the form of advice against my scant nocturnal rituals. Apparently, it was a habit I had to master before I made that long trek down the aisle.

Sigh.

I then decided to seek the opinion of one of my married contemporaries. She could not be bothered with including an extra shower visit a day to her already long list of responsibilities, except of course, when events looked like they were about to take an interesting turn. My, very legitimate, concern about this was that it put paid to any thoughts of spontaneity- and what is life if not for spontaneous moments.

So, bottom line: if you are female and Nigerian, twice-daily bathing is an important prerequisite for conjugal bliss.

Here is where things got interesting: of all (read both) the females interviewed, none (neither) could remember their menfolk ever returning the favour. In essence, it was alright for the men to climb into bed, right next to the squeaky body they had taken time and strength to bathe just for him, reeking of sweat and regret.

Never!

If I am going all Snow White and the Holy Temple, better don’t appear smelling like Iron Bracket or the deal is off! It actually does not take much to get a woman turned off by the way so………

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