This meat-market called the dating scene is all kinds of writing fodder.

The above was my Facebook status the day before yesterday, and it, along with the title, was inspired by events that had occurred a couple of hours earlier. I had met up for drinks after work with a colleague who had declared his intentions to shadow a week before. Now, I’m not wild about the idea of romance in the work-place, but when one has seen 29 Christmases and New Yam festivals and is not in any kind of relationship(real or imaginary*) talk less of being married, standards just have to start relaxing themselves and preferences become a distant memory.

Anyway, during said drink with aforementioned colleague, the inevitable quizzing began:

Him: Do you have a boyfriend?

Me: No I don’t.

Him: Why not?

Me: (in my mind) o juo Dolly (out loud) don’t know. Maybe I’m picky.

A beat later…

Him: Does S have a boyfriend?

S being another colleague of ours who happens to be an old old friend of mine.

Me: Not that I know of.

A lot of meaningless gist later….

Him: I really like you.

Me: Thank you

Him: I hope this my likeness will be sustained.

Me:(in my mind) WHat the /#:%

(out loud) in English please.

Him: well, if you keep doing the things which make me like you.

As far as I know, all I have ever done is walk past minding my own business, so I ask: “What things?”

And, unbelievably, he replies: “I like your teeth, your eyes and your lips.”

Hiaaa! Izzokay.

Me: uncle thank sir o, but seeing as I had nothing to do with the existence or form of the aforementioned things, I cannot take credit for them.

May I add here that all these were said with a smile. I don’t know how I managed, with all that BS. I was even drinking malt, so I can’t say it was alcohol. Either I was in a very good mood that evening( for no known reasons) or my prayers are beginning to pay off and I’ve begun to exhibit the fruits of the Spirit. Because Lord knows my normal self would have been spitting fire by then.


One more thing I forgot to say was that Mr Colleague had earlier asked if my friend, S knew he was shadowing me.

By the time I got home and began to analyze the conversation, it occurred to me that Mr C’s interest in Ms S may have been more than a passing curiosity. For all I knew he wanted all that info in case I was not able to ‘sustain’ his ‘likeness’ so he could quickly switch attentions next door. And this inspired the title of my post.

I was reminded of uni days when some boys used to actually toast two roommates at the same time. I could never understand how the few steps to the next block (or even the next room damnit!) was so much trouble that an individual would decide to go after two people who lived together.

The player-meji ness was bad enough but the laziness was just the height(abi depth) of it. It was an insult on so many levels:

1. Like he couldn’t be bothered going to the trouble to seek out another girl when your roommate was right there.

2. Or that he imagined he was such a catch that the roommate would not think to turn him down despite knowing that he was toasting you.

 Or even that she wouldn’t tell you of his atrocious behaviour.

I’m embarrassed, on behalf of the womenfolk, to say that it would not have been so rampant a phenomenon had it not been so successful an endeavour. But puh-lease! Anybody who would think to pull that totally uncreative stunt in this old age deserves to be permanently committed!

Abi am I reading too much meaning into an innocent inquisition?

P.S. That, interestingly, was not the deal-breaker of the evening. All that gibberish about sustenance….. Smh!

*One day, I shall do a post about imaginary relationships. I have been made to realise that they do indeed exist and have all the characteristics of a real one except for the one negligible fact that one of the parties is completely unaware of the existence of said relationship. Chinch anyone?*


6 thoughts on “THE LAZY CAD SYNDROME

  1. LOL! @ 29 New Yam Festivals…lol. It didn’t cross my mind. Good write up bbz. Creative angle indeed! Mr S, in my opinion, no well! lol


  2. LOL! @ 29 New Yam Festivals…lol. It didn’t cross my mind. Good write up bbz. Creative angle indeed! Mr C, in my opinion, no well! lol


  3. HIIIIIIIIIIAAAN!!!!!!!!!!! Mr C you no try at all. Cheii your lips, your hips and your finger tips…hehehe. Meanwhile I can’t wait to read the ‘imaginary relationships’ post *evil laugh


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